


Balcony by Moonlight

by OccidensdeLuna



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Assassination Attempt(s), Cliffhangers, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, One Shot, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, References to Depression, Season/Series 03, Suicide Attempt, Zuko's Scar (Avatar)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25113016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OccidensdeLuna/pseuds/OccidensdeLuna
Summary: “I’m sorry-” Was all Zuko managed to get out before he felt the burning sensation of another’s hand crashing down against the scarred side of his cheek, causing the prince to fall to his side and cry out in pain. His hands gently clutched the left side of his face, blood foaming in his mouth from where his teeth cut into his cheek.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 189





	Balcony by Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> Something came over me when I wrote this, so all in all this is the product of 45 minutes of inspiration and a month long depression episode.

Amber eyes shut against the dusty sky, trying to escape the reality that was pounding at his temples and heart. Zuko licked his dry lips, teeth pressed against the sensitive flesh until when his jaw finally eased up, small rounded indents remained. It was the days like these, where his loneliness was at its most unbearable and the world came crashing down around him, that the young prince missed his mother the most. Her cool hands and silky voice could always put his nerves at ease, no matter how fast his heart was pounding or how sick to his stomach he felt. It wasn’t his sister this time, surprisingly, though her presence didn’t help even at the best of times. After Zuko was welcomed home, despite the Avatar’s body still missing, he had hoped that things would go back to the way things were, but his father had hardened with Ursa no longer in the picture. Her face flashed in his mind’s eye, with her laughter following suit, and the ravenette’s breath caught in his throat all over again, as he sat up, eyes now wide open. He would have had tears running down his cheeks, but he had long since passed over into severe dehydration and could barely muster enough saliva to wet his mouth let alone tears to cry. Instead, Zuko’s hands shook and his teeth now clamped down on the inside of his cheeks, gnawing at the scarred flesh. The prince had taken up this habit after his banishment, for his room and his uncle’s were too close together on the ship to get away with anything that would create sound, and this served as a way to both vent his pain and stifle any cries he would emit.

◆ ◆ ◆

_Perhaps if you had stayed banished longer you wouldn’t be such a disgrace to the family name._

The words still burned in Zuko’s mind, his father’s voice a searing hiss of hot steam in his ears. It was, and always had been, his emotions that got him in trouble, and this evening had been no different. A family, impoverished from the war and still mourning the death of their eldest son, had come to see the Fire Lord to beg for relief from taxation for a few months, just to get themselves back on their feet again. They had shuffled in wearing nothing more than mud caked rags, clasping dirty and trembling hands in front of their chests and bent down on scraped knees, wincing in their bow of respect. The Fire Lord smirked at this, taking sick pleasure from their begging. Zuko, sitting at his father’s right hand - a place of fear since the war meeting that branded him forever as an unwanted son - looked down at the family with empathy, knowing all too well the fear that came with being knelt down at the Fire Lord’s feet, but sat in patient silence waiting his father’s answer. Great bellows of laughter filled the dim room, the hungry red flames that set the royals and the peasants burning away happily as Ozai caught his breath, covering his mouth to try and soothe the little chuckles that bubbled up the the surface. The mother of the family choked back tears, while her husband draped his arms around her frail figure. Zuko knew all too well that this was another test of his loyalty to the crown, and bit his lip to keep from saying anything that would result in another scar.

“Greedy. To come all this way just to beg like a horde of sniveling children. Well? You should consider yourself lucky that you lost your son, otherwise you’d have another mouth to feed. Be grateful.” The Fire Lord spat out, motioning for the guards to usher the parents out as their remaining child - a daughter - had begun crying.

Zuko’s eyes widened, watching as the family was forced out of the echoing throne room, his lips parted as he realized that could have been him. To hear his father tell another family to be grateful for the loss of their eldest son? The young prince, shifted uncomfortably in his seat, the weight of his familial status making it hard to breathe. With his death, Azula would be next in line to take the throne when it was time for the Fire Lord’s death. Zuko knew that Ozai held no qualms with assassinating his own son - his eldest and only son at that - panic welling up in his chest as the heat of the fire suddenly became all too much, and let a small noise from his throat.

“You’re weak like your uncle. You’ve always been soft. I should have killed you years ago, but if it hadn’t been for your mother… She’s gone now, Zuko. Nobody’s stopping me. I could do it right here if I wanted. My guards hold their allegiances with me and me alone. Think about it… With your uncle in prison, you’re vulnerable.” Ozai purred, clasping his hands in his lap and looking dead ahead at the floor in front of him with black, soulless eyes. Zuko remained silent, only acknowledging that he had heard what his father had just said by the tremble in his lip.  
“You feel too much, you know that? You didn’t get that from me. I wonder if you got anything from me,” The Fire Lord murmured, glancing over his shoulder to see Zuko still staring out in front of him, “Perhaps if you had stayed banished longer you wouldn’t be such a disgrace to the family name.”

“I’m sorry-” Was all Zuko managed to get out before he felt the burning sensation of another’s hand crashing down against the scarred side of his cheek, causing the prince to fall to his side and cry out in pain. His hands gently clutched the left side of his face, blood foaming in his mouth from where his teeth cut into his cheek.

“Get out of my sight before the guards have to drag your body out of this room.” The Fire Lord said in a low voice, deep in his throat.

With shaking legs, Zuko pulled himself upright, though his hand still cradled his burning cheek, and walked as quickly as he could to the hallway leading to his personal chambers. As soon as he was out of the main hall, the ravenette began to sprint as fast as he could manage with only half of his vision, his father’s last words burning their way into his psyche. A part of him wished his father had just done it right then and there, and stopped toying with him like a predator taunting an already weakened prey. A shadowy figure resting at his door made Zuko come to a halt, catching his breath as dignified as he could, and straightened himself up to look his sister in the eyes.

“My, my. Looks like someone got himself into a bit of a tizzy. What? Did Mai not put out for you? Did Daddy say something mean again that hurt poor wittle Zuzu’s feewings?” Azula’s sickeningly sweet voice purred, as she uncrossed her arms and rested her hands on her hips.

“Please, I can’t deal with this. Go terrorize some young soldier or hang out with your “friends” that are really just too scared to say they can’t stand you!” the golden eyed boy shouted, pressing the palms of his hands to his eyes, before wiping away some of the blood that had started to dry on his chin.

“Aww, poor baby. If I were you, I’d have ended it all a long time ago. Jumped off the balcony and plummeted, down, down, down... Oh, to be stuck with you all your life. No thanks~” His sister said, in a sing-song like voice, as if she had said something so trivial as the cherry blossoms were falling in a day's time, “Of course even after you’ve died, you’ll still be an inconvenience to us all. Your body and all that.” Azula, eyed her brother up and down, before sneering and slowly began to walk to her own room. “Food for thought~”

◆ ◆ ◆

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Lu Ten was supposed to survive the war. Iroh was supposed to be Fire Lord, not Ozai. His mother was supposed to be here still. Zuko took a long, deep breath, before allowing his muscles to relax on the silk sheets below him. The sting of his father’s hand had long since subsided, but still throbbed enough in the places where the burn had done the most damage to remind him of the altercation. The ravenette sighed softly, gazing out with tired eyes at the glass doors that led out to the balcony, where below after several stories were the grand steps that led to the castle entrance. Moonlight kissed the sheer curtains that fluttered between the glass and the open room, giving off a soft glow to the otherwise darkened room, save a few flickering candles by the prince’s swords. His father and sister’s words swirled in his head once more, reviving the nauseated feeling that clawed at his insides. Zuko winced, pearl white teeth brushing against the gashes that lined the insides of his cheeks, before sitting up and running his fingers through his shaggy onyx hair. His fingers lingered below his left eye, his vision fading for a moment as he recalled what the water tribe girl had told him in the crystal caves.

His scar defined him. Without it, he had nothing. If she really could just waterbend it away, which was about as likely as Azula gaining some empathy, then Zuko would have no proof of his mother’s sacrifice. Then again, if he did take his sisters… advice… then it would be like Ursa had never even existed, seeming as his father and sister never breathed or mentioned her after her disappearance. His father was right, Zuko had nothing of Ozai in him, save his blood, although sometimes the young prince even questioned that. That was all people ever told him when he was growing up, how much he looked like his mother, but never his father. Azula was the spitting image of the Fire Lord, down to the scorching look in their golden eyes in the moments before whichever poor soul they were using as entertainment crumpled to the floor. Zuko swung his legs over the edge of the bed and padded over to the glass double doors, pushing them open and welcoming the soft warmth of summer against his clammy skin.

It was a full moon, and the gentle light enveloped the young prince’s body, and he wrapped his arms around his slender body, the only embrace he had felt in ages. In a few slow strides, Zuko was standing at the edge of the balcony and rested his elbows on the cool, granite curve. Capital City was quite pretty in twilight, the sunlight not there to illuminate all of the injustice and pain that plagued the island. With everyone asleep, there now was only the soft sounds of chirping insects and the wind rustling through the trees, the gentle silence silencing the raging voices screaming fire and fury. The ravenette tensed his shoulders up for a moment before letting them fall, his arms feeling as though lead weights were tied to his wrists and holding him in place. There were worse ways to go. Dying by the hands of his father came to mind, which sent a shiver of panic down the prince’s spine. With a slow, but fluid motion, Zuko carefully climbed up onto the stone ledge, allowing the air to spin around him more freely. This… felt right. Today his father had expressed his sentiments towards Zuko being alive, and perhaps that was the final thing he needed to know before taking the plunge. Zuko had thought about this moment for oh so long, not having to be in endless misery for his very existence. Simply put, he was not needed. If he was, his mother would have surely found a way to contact him either while he still lived in the palace or while he was embarking on his meaningless search for the avatar. That seemed to sum up his life perfectly: meaningless. His uncle would try to talk him out of it, tell him that he had to make his own path in life, rather than allow others to make it for him, and so he would. Zuko would make his own path in life, straight down until there was nowhere else to go. As slowly as he could, the prince rotated himself so that his back was turned from the ledge, as he decided he didn’t want to see how close the ground was to him. With eyes closed, Zuko took a deep breath and imagined his mother’s face one last time and relished the feel of moonlight against his skin and the silk summer winds spiralling around his slender body.

“ _I’m sorry, my prince_.”

The words startled him, and Zuko felt his body reeling backwards, his eyes squeezed shut, and fear pounded in his temples as a choked cry came from his throat. A cool hand rested on the small of his back as it’s pair grasped his outstretched hand and gently pulled him back to safety from behind the balcony.

“ _Shh, shh, you’re safe now._ ” He clutched his body, desperately trying to make sure that he was in fact alive, and that this wasn’t a cruel spirit taunting him in the spirtworld.The silvery voice tempted the ravenette enough to open his eyes, his breath ragged and trembling. “ _That’s it… There’s nothing to fear_.”

Before him stood a beautiful young woman, with snow white hair and silver pools of light for eyes. A kind smile graced her full lips and she looked up at him reassuringly, her icy hand stroking his cheek and brushing away the tears that streaked down it. Around her body, which appeared to be carved out of the morning mists, was an ethereal glow of what could only be described as moonlight. A glimmer of recollection flickered in the prince’s mind as he studied her face, his lips parted in realization.

“You’re the Water Tribe girl that… You’re dead. I saw you die.” Zuko took a step back, pressing his back against the granite wall he had only moments ago tried to fall from. It sent a rush of fear through his body and he hugged himself tighter.

“ _Death and rebirth go hand and hand. My physical form died, that much is true, but my spirit is very much alive and well as you can see. I sacrificed myself to save another. You will learn of that, as well_.” Yue’s voice was soft and soothing, clasping her hands in front of her and looking up behind the ravenette’s head. “ _Your path is not done, just yet. There is still much to learn and teach, young prince_.”

“I don’t want to be here anymore. This… This is too painful. I can’t live a life and know that everyone around me would rather I be dead. You shouldn’t have saved me. The moment you were born, you had a purpose. You had a reason. You saved this entire world. I can’t… I can’t even come close…” Zuko felt more tears roll down his cheek, and fell to his knees, hiding his face from the spirit in front of him, as he gasped for air. He had never vocalized these thoughts before, let alone to another person, and the weight of it all crushed down against his heart and mind. He felt the princess’s hands comb through his hair and lift his head up to meet her gaze.

“ _I know you feel scared now, Zuko. And it would be easier to just end it all right now, I do admit that. But your story hasn’t been completed yet. You have so many more lives to touch, and people to help. You are not the bad person you believe yourself to be, and you are worthy of happiness. You will find your laugh again, little prince. Bad people don’t feel bad about hurting those around them. Bad people don’t try to do the right thing. You have more to learn, is all. You must forgive yourself_.” Yue breathed, stroking the hair from the ravenette’s eyes, and helping him back to a standing position.

The Moon spirit gently wrapped her translucent arms around his trembling body, and though he couldn’t feel her physical body in all its entirety, a wintery cold tingling sensation kissed his skin wherever she touched him, and he melted into her arms until he felt it fade away. His golden eyes fluttered open to nothingness, his balcony devoid of anyone else other than him, and the young man tilted his head up to gaze at the moon. He could have sworn he could see the princess’s face in its glow, and smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Zuko draped his arms around himself again, pulling his robe over his shoulders to combat the chills she left behind, and propped his elbows on the granite edge once more, to gaze out at his kingdom. Stars danced in the sky above him, giving off just enough illumination along with the Moon, herself, to light up the island’s edge and the sea just beyond it. He would not be imprisoned on this island, slave to family rules or expectations no more, and even though that would not be in the near future, the thought comforted him enough to have faith that things would get better. It was enough to know that he was not shackled to forever being the dishonoured, disgraceful, unloved, unwanted Prince that was lucky to be born. Sadness still welled up in his heart, and though plunging to his doom was still something he could see himself doing, the prince would wait to see if he could change, because he so wanted to be something else, anything else.

A cold wind pricked against his olive skin, and with slow, tired steps, Zuko took himself back to bed, closing the glass doors behind him but leaving the sheer curtains open to allow the moonlight to more freely enter as she pleased. Drained of any power or strength, the ravenette crawled slowly between his silk sheets, turning his body to face the doors so that he felt less alone. The candles had long since been snuffed in their own wax, leaving the room smelling ever so subtly of smoke and perfume. Taking a deep breath, Zuko allowed his heavy lids to close over his tearburnt eyes, happy to put an end to this day before a quiet knock on the wooden door leading to the hallway awoke him. Begrudgingly, the prince dragged his feet to his door, closing his robe once more before opening it. One of his father’s guards stood, head bowed, waiting for Zuko to return the nod before clearing his throat.

“My apologies for waking you, Prince Zuko, but we have urgent news for you that could not wait until morning,” The guard murmured, throwing a glance over his shoulder to ensure that the two men were very much alone before continuing, “Your uncle has requested you speak with him regarding the avatar, the family bloodlines, and your mother, Sire.”


End file.
